Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
