jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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