I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
