we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
