can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
