I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
