Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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