Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
