I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
