I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
