I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
