That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
