im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
