the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
