ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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