Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
