I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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