this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
