Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am one with the molecules
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
