At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
