I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
