I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
