My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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