I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
