So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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