Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
