His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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