He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
