That's intense
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
