woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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