i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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