I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
