these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
