I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
