I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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