Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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