If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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