I CAN MOONWALK!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
