everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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