: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
