There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
