When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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