I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
