the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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