omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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