Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
