He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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