Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
