New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
