If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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