wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
