I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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